


Press Enter For Truth

by Solitary_Shadow



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Angst, Crazy Format, Depressing, Experimental, Facebook, M/M, Meta, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solitary_Shadow/pseuds/Solitary_Shadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For all who've ever made/seen fake Facebook conversations for the R+ boys, this one goes out to you. The days leading up to tragedy for an aging pianist, documented online. Flake character study. [Flake/Paul]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Press Enter For Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Depressing content, heavy angst, Paul/Flake, very meta due to its nature, deconstruction, some psychological horror, grammatical disjointment, sexual hints but not strong enough to yield warning, spoilers for a music video, potential trigger warnings for relationships gone sour or depression. Very experimental. Elements of social networking may not translate very well, altered elements of Facebooking to fit with the structure.

**Press Enter for Truth - A Rammstein Fanfiction**

\-------------------------------------------

**\- Paul Landers** is in a relationship with **Flake Lorenz**.

**\- Flake Lorenz** is in a relationship with **Paul Landers**.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers **on 12:03 PM Jan 13 2009 **:**  
Oh good, you've updated it here too.  
 **\- Till Lindemann** and **Oliver Riedel** like this.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 12:04 PM Jan 13 2009:  
I did indeed. Feels good to have it out in the open, isn't it?  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:10 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Certainly.  
\- **Doom Schneider** likes this.  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 1:32 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Congratulations, you two! How long has it been now?  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 1:49 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Since last September. Didn't you know?  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 1:53 PM Jan 13 2009:  
*spits out drink* wait wait SERIOUSLY?! O_O  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** likes this.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 2:46 PM Jan 13 2009:  
It was only a fortnight ago we came back from hiatus. I thought everyone just knew, I guess. ^^ ;; Flake and I aren't exactly up to discussing private life in general, you know.  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 2:56 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Yes, we do know. But still! Congratulations on putting it up here anyway!

\- **Paul Landers** on 3:15 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Just had a call from my love. Ah, Flake. I'll love you forever, I swear.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** likes this.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:19 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Forever is a strong word, though, Paul.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 3:30 PM Jan 13 2009:  
I still feel it with you. Do you with me?  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:42 PM Jan 13 2009:  
I'm in love with you now.  
I'm with you now.  
I'll do my best not to stray from this now.  
That's it. I won't lie to you, Paul, because I care for you.  
Now.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 3:47 PM Jan 13 2009  
It's still beautiful. Your honesty is what I valued you for, always, Flake.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 3:47 PM Jan 13 2009:  
I'd come over and kiss you right now if I could.  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** on 3:48 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Oh mein Gott, get a room already, you two *facepalm* Don't you know that this is public and everyone and their dog can read it?  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 3:55 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Shh! *smile* Leave the lovebirds be, Risch!  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:08 PM Jan 13 2009:  
We'll stop, we'll stop! XDDD  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 4:09 PM Jan 13 2009:  
There's no need to, it's good to see, honestly.  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 4:16 PM Jan 13 2009:  
What was that about dogs? O_o  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 4:19 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Never you mind. Risch is right. Let's wrap this up, Paul. See you tomorrow, 11am, studio.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:20 PM Jan 13 2009:  
Ja. See you then. <3  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** on 4:23 PM Jan 13 2009:  
UGH. >.<

\- **Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:29 PM Jan 13 2009:  
...

\- **Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:30 PM Jan 13 2009:  
<3

\-----

**\- Paul Landers** is single.  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** on 8:01 AM Feb 26 2010:  
Holy shit. What? O_O What happened between you and Flake?  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 8:20 AM Feb 26 2010:  
Is this because we disbanded Rammstein, Paul?  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 8:25 AM Feb 26 2010:  
Oh my God.  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 9:30 AM Feb 26 2010:  
I wake up and what's this? What's going on?  
Flake? Paul?

\- **Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers **on 1:43 PM Feb 26 2010:  
Let's forget about the fact that you didn't bother telling me this in person first.  
I want to know why.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 1:50 PM Feb 26 2010:  
Please, Flake. This is hard for me too.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:55 PM Feb 26 2010:  
I want to know why, Paul. It's not a hard question. I'm not protesting your decision, I just want to know your reason.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 2:15 PM Feb 26 2010:  
Is this as Till said? Because Rammstein is no more?  
\- **Paul Landers** on 2:19 PM Feb 26 2010:  
It's not... not just that.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 2:31 PM Feb 26 2010:  
Then what is it?  
\- **Paul Landers** on 3:12 PM Feb 26 2010:  
It's because of your newfound career, Flake. It's because you're a pianist now, soon to engage in world-class concerts. You were always brilliant at the piano and every year you've just gotten better and better. It shows. It's because you will succeed in a different area of music even though we've all technically parted ways. Till can be a writer, I suppose - but the rest of us, we will always be known for being metal musicians. And we're old enough that we can't change that any more. It's just the truth.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:20 PM Feb 26 2010:  
That's ridiculous. So what if I'm a pianist now. That's got nothing to do with our relationship.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 3:50 PM Feb 26 2010:  
It does to me. Because while I stay in Germany, you will be away in various countries for concerts. I'll be a burden on you, someone who's chaining you to where you ought not to be. Someone that will be stifling your thoughts and creativity because you'll be thinking about me when you ought not to be. And I can't do that to your career. The world can only have so many rhythm and lead guitarists in it, only about fifty world-class ones are enough in this current state of music styles. And they get replaced. They get old. Their skill isn't quite the same anymore.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:03 PM Feb 26 2010:  
You're different, though, Flake. You're a classical pianist. Pianists age like fine wine. The older they become, the more sought after they are, the purer their skills are. You're no exception. I know, because I've heard you play over the years. Because I've known you for so long. No one - I repeat, no one - knows your worth as a pianist better than I do. And you are worth so much more than what I can give you. I can't do it anymore.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:04 PM Feb 26 2010:  
The rest of us will be forgotten, but you, Flake, are eternal.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:04 PM Feb 26 2010:  
That's why.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 4:09 PM Feb 26 2010:  
So you're saying that it'd be better off that I forget we ever had this relationship?  
\- **Paul Landers** on 4:11 PM Feb 26 2010:  
Yes. I hope you'll be happy, Flake. The world is vast and you're quite the catch.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 5:23 PM Feb 26 2010:  
You still care. I do too.  
Except I never promised that I'd care forever and then broke it after a single year.  
Online out of all places.  
\- **Paul Landers** on 5:55 PM Feb 26 2010:  
I've said all I could.

\-----

**\- Paul Landers > Flake Lorenz** on 6:10 PM Feb 26 2010:  
I'm sorry.

\-----

**\- Paul Landers > Flake Lorenz** on 9:46 PM Feb 26 2010:  
I hope you'll forgive me one day.

\-----

\- **Flake Lorenz** became a fan of " **Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff** "

\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:04  AM Aug 27 2010:  
Over six months now. Six months gone already since breakup.  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 8:01 AM Aug 27 2010:  
I'm still sorry to hear that.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:04  AM Aug 27 2010:  
Don't worry about it. It'll be long past one day. How are you all doing? Haven't heard from you in a while.  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 8:01 AM Aug 27 2010:  
Us five have banded together. Firefighting. Might as well put some of the pyrotechnician knowledge to use somehow.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:04  AM Aug 27 2010:  
Is it good?  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 8:01 AM Aug 27 2010:  
Whenever someone's livelihood goes up in flames? It's the only job where that's a good and bad thing at the same time.  
Although the dead people aren't too pleasant. They haunt my dreams.  
But that's neither here nor there. How's the concert career going?  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:04  AM Aug 27 2010:  
Travelling to Prague in two days for a concert. Rachmaninoff, Bach, Beethoven and some others. Who the hell puts Rachmaninoff and Bach right next to each other in a setlist.  
\- **Till Lindemann** on 8:01 AM Aug 27 2010:  
Ouch. I sympathize. Glad to hear you're well, though.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:04  AM Aug 27 2010:  
Thank you. It means a lot.

\- **Flake Lorenz > Andreas Wiesner** on 9:00 PM Aug 27 2010:  
I'm ready to travel, my dear Manager. See you in Prague.  
\- **Andreas Wiesner** on 9:32 PM Aug 27 2010  
Excellent! See you then. And please do call me Andreas, I'm not one of those stiff-collared eccentrics.

\- **Oliver Riedel > Flake Lorenz **on 11:26 AM Aug 29 2010:  
Hallo, Flake. Just wanted to ask if you're in Prague now.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:01 PM Aug 29 2010:  
I am. Tired but otherwise good. Everyone else is good too I assume?  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 12:12 PM Aug 29 2010:  
Yes. Till and Richard sleep a lot now, though. Doom is also good.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:15 PM Aug 29 2010:  
I see.  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 12:26 PM Aug 29 2010:  
Did you want to know about Paul?  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:27 PM Aug 29 2010:  
What? I never said that.  
\- **Oliver Riedel** on 12:30 PM Aug 29 2010:  
I know, though. You are my friend and have been for a long time. Paul's okay, but he's been looking a bit peaky. Have been for a couple of months actually. He listens to Feeling B all the time.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:50 PM Aug 29 2010:  
... I've got to go.

\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:04 PM Aug 29 2010:  
Practicing. Concerto No. 3 is the most technically difficult concerto ever written for piano, or even any instrument used in current times for that matter. Rachmaninoff had huge hands.  
\- **Till Lindemann** and **Doom Schneider** like this.

\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:12 PM Aug 29 2010:  
Those chords are killing me. Taking a break. Can't handle much more right now.

\- **Flake Lorenz** on 7:30 PM Aug 30 2010:  
Just before the concert. Good luck to me.  
\- **Andreas Wiesner, Richard Z. Kruspe** and **3 others** like this.

\-----

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:16 AM Sep 3 2010:  
How are you, Paul? I'm okay. I'm back in Berlin now from the concert in Prague. It went perfectly well. Played Bach's Harpsichord Concerto No. 1, BWV 1052, you know, the one I used to play to you now and then. It was the easiest one to practice because I know that one off by heart anyway. Because I played it so much for you. I played for you and you alone.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:19 AM Sep 3 2010:  
Are you eating well? I heard you've been firefighting recently. Hope it's going well, that there's a lot to do. I don't mean that I want people's homes to burn down all over the place, just that... well, it's a fulfilling job for you. Pianist is a tiring job. Sleep schedule's gone completely off the rails, I'm up at the darnedest hours, see?

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:23 AM Sep 3 2010:  
I wish I could make you a cheesecake or something. Or some borscht. You liked borscht.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:24 AM Sep 3 2010:  
...

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:39 AM Sep 3 2010:  
I wonder why I keep talking to you as if you're still mine and you still check your page here. One day I hope you will, though. It's all I can hope for. And it gives me some hope that you could have deleted all of this any time during the past six months but you haven't yet. Press enter for truth. Click for truth. You'll one day see my diary for you, my love for you documented here. I hope so anyway. Hope keeps us going.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 4:50 AM Sep 3 2010:  
Well, I should probably sleep. Good night. I love you.

\-----

\- **Flake Lorenz** on 3:12 AM Sep 17 2010:  
Been away for two weeks in Russia, just got back home. Cold and beautiful. Wish I could have shared it with everyone.

\- **Flake Lorenz** uploaded a photo "Rammstein back in the days, 2005".  
  
\- **Flake Lorenz** tagged **Paul Landers, Doom Schneider** and **3 others** in the photo "Rammstein back in the days, 2005".  
\- **Oliver Riedel** and **Richard Z. Kruspe** like this.  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** on 3:00 PM Sep 17 2010:  
Look at Till's orange shirt! XD Tastelessness in the max. It's times like that that made me adore him more.  
\- **Till Lindemann** likes this.  
\- **Till Lindemann > Richard Z. Kruspe **on 3:10 PM Sep 17 2010:  
I'll take that as a compliment.  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 5:27 PM Sep 18 2010:  
Brilliant photo.  
But... uh... Paul asks to be untagged.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 5:30 PM Sep 18 2010:  
Out of the question, sorry. Rammstein is Rammstein.

**\- Doom Schneider > Flake Lorenz** on 11:13 PM Sep 18 2010:  
We need to talk, Flake. You need to get over him. It's no use holding on anymore, it's been over six months.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 11:15 PM Sep 18 2010:  
Never. People have held on for longer. Years. Decades.  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 11:27 PM Sep 18 2010:  
It can't go on like this. I worry about you, Flake. And Paul's started dating again too.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 11:30 PM Sep 18 2010:  
He what?  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 11:45 PM Sep 18 2010:  
He has. I'm sorry. He hasn't been on here for months now, there's no way you could have known because he hasn't updated his status... but it's a woman. A little older than him. Nice, he says. They're not entirely serious yet just in case you want to know.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 11:46 PM Sep 18 2010:  
...  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 11:48 PM Sep 18 2010:  
It's been about two weeks. I thought you had to know. For your own sake.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 11:49 PM Sep 18 2010:  
And you've seen this?  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 11:51 PM Sep 18 2010:  
Yes. He was going to tell you himself soon, I think. I'm sorry.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 11:55 PM Sep 18 2010:  
Right. I see. That's fine. I suspected as much anyway. I wish him the best of luck.

\- **Doom Schneider** on 12:34 AM Sep 19 2010:  
... Flake.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 12:38 AM Sep 19 2010:  
What?  
\- **Doom Schneider** on 12:40 AM Sep 19 2010:  
So does this mean you'll untag Paul and move on with your life and gain the happiness you deserve?  
Paul was callous to you, I know. And I want you happy. We want you happy. Even Paul does too.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:30 AM Sep 19 2010:  
Of course not.  
\- **Flake Lorenz** on 1:31 AM Sep 19 2010:  
That would be unchivalrous.

\-----

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 11:49 PM Sep 20 2010:  
So.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 11:50 PM Sep 20 2010:  
Heard you were seeing someone.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 11:54 PM Sep 20 2010:  
At least you aren't moping around. You moping always made me sad. But I'm sad now too. I started up my pianist career after Rammstein dissolved so we might be able to stay together. I had the skills after all. I didn't think you would see me being away some of the time and being a pianist as a catalyst to our break-up.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:00 AM Sep 20 2010:  
It still hurts, you know. I want to forget and I'm honestly trying and I'm glad you have managed, at least. But I can't. I'm not that strong. I thought I could be, but I really am not. I get lonely a lot. I miss you guys. I miss you. I want to quit and join you but it ties me down, classical music.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:03 AM Sep 20 2010:  
I know you don't respond to me anymore but do you remember the first time we made love? You bled. I apologized. We then cleaned up and cuddled instead and it turned out somehow more satisfying than if we'd just carried on. I remember that all the time. You think I threw away those sheets but I didn't, I still have them.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:09 AM Sep 20 2010:  
Don't think I'm a creepy hoarder or anything though. I just forgot about them, I thought I could just wash them and be done with it and somewhere along the line I forgot and stashed them in a random cupboard around the house. I have the shoeboxes filled with your letters in front of me, the letters themselves opened and arranged on the floor showing me your handwritten love, and the sheets with your blood on them spread out on the in front of the piano, a carpet of your existence as I see it laid out in my heart.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:14 AM Sep 20 2010:  
Then you rejected me and gave my heart a carpet burn that I've got no chance of recovering from that's for sure.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:20 AM Sep 20 2010:  
"Turn out the light," I still remember you asking that night. Come to think of it, you actually asked that a lot. When we made love, when we left the house, whenever we left any room and we were the last occupants. Thought it was a good habit of yours actually. A frugal existence, barely surviving in a Socialist hellhole that was East Berlin would have done that to anyone. This coming from me, I actually miss the simpler days quite often. Well, okay, it wasn't quite a hellhole compared to some other places, but we were young and poor and hideously disillusioned, you know?

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:24 AM Sep 20 2010:  
But that's not the point. Turn out the light, you always said. When we were in bed you preferred to use touch to explore instead of seeing. Love is more than what meets the eye. Love is what you feel, what you taste, what you climb on top of and take and hear gasping out for more. I miss that the most about you, Paul, I really do.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:29 AM Sep 20 2010:  
I tried to forget. Lost myself in my piano. Lost myself in drink. I can hold an abnormal amount of drugs and drink, you know that. It doesn't help. Read your letters. Stared at your blood and sensed the faintest of your scent on the sheets, the only thing I have of you left. Memories degrading every time but never enough to erase you from my mind completely.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:41 AM Sep 20 2010:  
Your lies written in your letters. Your blood, long since dried, staining the white sheets dark red.   
I'd like to forget any of this ever happened.  
But you can't erase ink and bloodstains are near impossible to get out.

**\- Flake Lorenz > Paul Landers** on 12:43 AM Sep 20 2010:  
Such is existence.

\-----

\- **Flake Lorenz** became a fan of " **Vodka** ", " **Sertraline** ", " **Happy Pills** " and **23 others**.

\-----

\- **Andreas Wiesner** on 10:32 AM Sep 23 2010:  
Flake, where are you? You didn't turn up to rehearsal. Are you ill?

\- **Andreas Wiesner** on 12:24 PM Sep 23 2010:  
Your concert arrangements in Vienna. What about them? Please contact me.

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 3:45 AM Sep 24 2010:  
Is anyone looking at me  
is anyone reading these statuses  
is anyone listening to me is anyone bothering about me at all?

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 4:07 AM Sep 24 2010 from mobile:  
I can't stand this. Haven't rehearsed for four days now. Feel sick. Fingers have lost their magic. Which really sucks seeing as my laptop broke and mobile's all I have cold hard to type  
\- **Richard Z. Kruspe** on 6:22 AM Sep 24 2010:  
And I can't stand seeing you fall apart like this. See a doctor.  
 **\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:13 AM Sep 24 2010 from mobile:  
I AM A FUCKING DOCTOR

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 1:17 AM Sep 25 2010 from mobile:  
Took an axe to my piano. About time.  
\- **Andreas Wiesner** on 9:32 AM Sep 25 2010:  
What?! Flake, answer your phone! Flake!

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 10:00 AM Sep 25 2010 from mobile:  
One swing wasn't enough so I landed quite a few more  
room is dusty as hell now but silent.

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 7:17 PM Sep 25 2010 from mobile:  
running out of drink

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 9:41 PM Sep 25 2010 from mobile:  
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 10:42 PM Sep 25 2010 from mobile:  
pills pills they might help me sleep

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 11:00 AM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
sofkjjeksj;e'w;/sspsiso8e7ujshskjhsbssjjadkfllsdhlasnlsjbsjdbjsjdb

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 11:15 AM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
[poiuhvbnmuytssmsodjhwodj

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 7:34 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
Our anniversary tomorrow Paul our anniversary.  
And you aren't with me.

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:53 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
do you remember what it used to be like? I want to hold you and play hide and seek with you and trace my fingers over your tattoos and let you cut my hair even though you always cut it really crooked but I never minded oh no no no why would I ever ever mind the touch of your hand on my hair you made me feel as if I was worth something whenever you worked at my hair with those silver scissors of yours and your fingers oh what talented fingers you had you could have been the most wonderful pianist yourself you know they'd work especially well on my body whenever we took a bath together or slept together sweeping over my skin my body my thighs my backside and I would moan and do you even remember do you even care I want those times back I want to cook borscht for you and smile as you compliment me on my cooking and undo my apron for me and I would let you eat some of my own soup as well if you were hungry and fetch you coffee and give you the remote and listen to you sing a song and cuddle up to your shoulder and laugh at your horrible puns and fall in love with your million dollar smile over and over and over again and grab you by the back of your neck and ignore the remote falling to the floor as I hold you to my chest and kiss you and kiss you until we're lying together on the floor with our clothes being tugged off and your fingers my fingers my tongue and lips exploring your legs your arms your tattoos your mouth your chest your nipples your eyes as blue as my own

and then light up a smoke in bed and hear you complain about how they're menthol and how you hate the ashes and complain about how I might set the bed on fire and I'd say sorry baby you know I don't mean to it's just a hard habit to break and at least I'm not Risch oh no I'm not Risch why would I ever be Risch and then listen to you as you walk from the bed and turn on the bathroom tap and wash your face and then turn on the shower and then I'll join you and we'll do the above all over and over again until we're both utterly spent and exhausted and then you ask me to turn out the lights you know the feeling you do remember why don't you remember why don't you care I knew you for so long I brought you flowers played music for you kissed you said sorry whenever I was wrong danced with you despite the fact that I'm a horrible dancer and held you whenever you cried and held onto you whenever I cried my blue eyes becoming streaked with red and clung onto you whenever I felt hurt and vice versa I want to do that right now I want to hold you and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and cry when I'm with you and cry when I'm not and suck your cock and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and warm when you don't and melt when you smile your gorgeous smile and dissolve in your laughter

and not understand why you think I'm not good for you when I honestly think I always have been yes I have yes I always have been and laugh off as you tell me that I'll reject you one day because that's silly because I would never reject you and be bemused that you'd think such a thing and I'd sit on my piano and stick tacks on the back to emulate a honky-tonk sound that you like and sing you a song about a boy named Paul in Russia living amongst the snow and be puzzled when you don't understand who the hell I'm talking about and forget about it and buy you a kitten that I'd get jealous of and want to drown eventually because you'd pay more attention to it than you ever have to me and then cry like a child when it dies by being run over by a truck because I didn't really mean the malice and buy you more presents that you don't want and then take them back and give them back and take them back and ask you to marry me and you'll say no I won't but I'll keep asking until you say yes I will yes I will yes yes yes but you never will because for some reason you keep thinking I'm lying to you even though I'm not why would I ever lie to you you are the only person in my life I have ever thought worth to invest huge amounts of time on and I want to kiss you and speak Russian to you badly and speak Polish to you even worse and wake you up at four in the morning with a surprise blowjob followed by making love and somehow - somehow - someway be able to communicate even just the barest inkling of the never-ending undying overwhelming powerful unconditional sorrowful unnecessarily difficult terribly painful terribly hot terribly cold love that I have for you.

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:54 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
that I had for you.

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:55 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
but you don't care anymore

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:56 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
FUCK YOU FOR NOT CARING PAUL  
FUCK YOU

**\- Flake Lorenz** on 8:57 PM Sep 26 2010 from mobile:  
my fingers are killing me

**\- Flake Lorenz** about an hour ago from mobile:  
fuck this place. I'm going to burn it all down.  
firefighter now you said. maybe this will get your attention

**\- Flake Lorenz** tagged **Till Lindemann** in the photo "Look at this pile of brushwood" from mobile.  
\- **Till Lindemann** about 56 mins ago:  
Mein Gott, is that... is that your piano? What are you doing? Flake! Flake!  
\- **Flake Lorenz** about 55 mins ago from mobile:  
come check it out why don't you.  
 _willst du dich von etwas trennen  
dann musst du es verbrennen  
willst du es nie wieder sehen  
lass es schwimmen in Benzin._  
\- **Till Lindemann** about 54 mins ago:  
?!?!?!?!  
\- **Flake Lorenz** about 52 mins ago from mobile:  
you always gave the best advice Till

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 50 mins ago from mobile:  
on top of building now. room on fire

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 45 mins ago from mobile:  
burning faster than I thought damn

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 42 mins ago from mobile:  
come save me Paul.  
I'll be your damsel in distress

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 41 mins ago from mobile:  
if this is the only way I will hold you ever again it's worth it

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 32 mins ago from mobile:  
if you have to part with something burn it with fire  
if you never want to see it again let it swim in petrol

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 31 mins ago from mobile:  
that poor creature you think that poor creature so desperate  
HAPPY FUCKING ANNIVERSARY THAT'S WHAT I SAY.

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 24 mins ago from mobile:  
smoke building up. choking. can't breathe  
  
\- **Flake Lorenz** about 20 mins ago from mobile:  
oh my god what have i done

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 13 mins ago from mobile:  
collapsing hurry up please its time hurry up my friends

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 11 mins ago from mobile:  
i think i'm going to die

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 9 mins ago from mobile:  
so sorry i didnt think itd ever come to this oh god why did i ever do this this is just terrible im sorry im sorry im so sorry its too late now though if help doesnt arrive soon oh my god risch paul till olli doom i hope if this building collapses you wont be in the radius so sorry what about the people beneath me what have i done

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 4 mins ago from mobile:  
can i jump?

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 2 mins ago from mobile:  
i might have to jump stairs useless now

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 2 min ago from mobile:  
youre all setting up the tarp

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 55 seconds ago from mobile:  
its hot so hot im burning please he

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 48 seconds ago from mobile:  
lp help help goin to jump

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 39 seconds ago from mobile:  
paul i pa

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 35 seconds ago from mobile:  
ul sorry love you

\- **Flake Lorenz** about 32 seconds ago from mobile:  
someone

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 30 seconds ago from mobile:  
...

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 26 seconds ago from mobile:  
please

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 13 seconds ago from mobile:  
,./.,,./,/.,

**\- Flake Lorenz** about 10 seconds ago from mobile:  
,

**\- Flake Lorenz** just a second ago from mobile:  
please turn out the light

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this was indeed my adaptation of 'Benzin' crossed with 'Spring'.
> 
> Lord only knows how the hell I manage to twist those videos like this. 'Benzin' is one of their lightest videos. Apologies if you found grammar intensely confusing or uncharacteristic towards the end. Flake is an impeccable man, yes - but there's his state of mind at that point in the story to consider, and it wouldn't have been half as erotic, honest or tragic if the prose was grammatical, I feel. I'm a big fan of stream of consciousness in general because of that, because when done well it is a beautifully pure distillation into a character's thoughts. This was inspired heavily by James Joyce's 'Ulysses' and Sarah Kane's plays.


End file.
